Politics

The Gay We Were

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Guys, a question for you: Ever spend five to ten years of your life exclusively dating men, giving blow jobs in the basement of leather bars to guys named Bruce, and generally enjoying the various elements of the male phallus only to come to discover that, eh, it's not for you? No? Well, too bad, because there are tens of tens of people out there who have, and now they want their rights too!

A Disney stockholder has petitioned the company to include ex-gays in its nondiscrimination policy. Can't make fun of Larry in advertising anymore for gay-lisping his way through a story about his date with a lesbian woman last night, because Larry is totally straight now. Like, for real. When he was younger, Larry was seduced by all the advantages that gay people have in America, and he thought he should live the privileged life they lead. But, alas, it wasn't who he really was. Courageous Larry deserves your support for finding his true self, so go pat him on the back, take him out for a drink, and give him all the love he can receive. He'll greatly appreciate it because it's probably been a while.
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