The most interesting news to come out of the conference on climate change in Copenhagen this week may be that that Danish prostitutes are offering free sex to climate-change-conference delegates. All you have to do is show your ID, and you're in, so to speak. Ordinarily, this is the kind of dumb story that comes and goes in an hour, making us feel vaguely regretful and dirty. But this one has potential legs.
You see, politicians love two things above else: Getting stuff for free and hookers. And now Denmark is offering both. It's the kind of deal that could make climate-change deniers think about changing their line. Therefore, the forces of good must take heed. From now on, these conferences should occur once every three months in cities known for laissez-faire morality, such as Amsterdam, Paris, Bangkok, and Reno. Once politicians start hearing about the free anti-global-warming sex junkets, suddenly those big checks from ExxonMobil won't look quite as good. After all, what sounds better, sitting in an empty Senate chamber moaning about how global warming is a myth, or enjoying a free night on the town with the finest escorts that urban Brazil has to offer? Soon, U.S. senators like James Inhofe and Jon Kyl may start hearing the piercing siren song of climate change's reality while also getting awesome blow jobs from hot Thai hookers.
(And if COP15 can get an alcohol sponsor, our planet will be fixed in no time.)
—Neal Pollack
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