Music

2010's Most Annoying Rich Hipster Award: James Jagger

Guest blogger Neal Pollack has been a satirist (Vanity Fair), a sexologist (Nerve.com), and a cultural anthropologist (McSweeney's). Here, Pollack will explore all the wild, weird, and noteworthy stories you may have missed.

Baby New Year has barely begun to crap its diapers, and already there's a leading candidate for 2010's Most Annoying Rich Hipster award. That honor goes to James Jagger, son of England's sexiest knight. A highly reputable British tabloid reports that the young Jagger, when he's not shagging model-heiresses, spends his evenings at members-only social clubs performing with his "heavy metal" band Turbogeist under the name Jimbo Mutant Shinobi. We're a bit skeptical about what The Daily Mail considers metal music, though the band apparently does have songs called "Filthy Vampire Sluts" and "Monster Pussy." Jimbo Mutant Shinobi is also apparently  part of an exclusive social club called the DC Crew, whose members sport identical tattoos and, the article implies, enjoy snorting coke off one another's private bits.

All this is quite salacious, but can you really blame JMS for wearing sleeveless denim jackets and bad eye makeup onstage? After all, he's seen the way his dad pays the mortgage on the Poce-sur-Cisse chalet. The reporter interviews some old fart, who says, "Mick has been on at James to get himself a proper job for years. He wanted him to get an education and a profession, but James is a bit of a dreamer." But he's not the only one. If your dad were the world's most famous rock star, why wouldn't you want to be like him? It's the family legacy, after all. Many of us grow up wanting to be like dad. Children of cops become cops, children of doctors become doctors, children of people who sit around all day blogging in their underwear...well, that one has yet to be decided.

—Neal Pollack

Photograph courtesy of flickr.com


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