Guest Blogger

Take Your Child Home From Work Day: True Crime Edition

Our guest blogger, humorist Neil Janowitz, takes on the best news you may have missed.

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Looks like Apple isn't the only operation taking heat for involving kids in its goings-on. A pair of accused criminals in Philly were busted after toting a four-year-old along on their heist of an area jewelry store on Saturday. What cops say they made off with was more than $100,000 in merchandise. What they reportedly didn't make off with was the tot. Child protective services reps probably weren't going to be happy about exposing a toddler to theft and attempted murder, but the whole "abandoning that child at the scene of the crime" definitely sealed it.

Criminals with questionable escape plans are a favorite topic around here, and this case shoots the bar into the stratosphere. Say we give the criminals the benefit of the doubt—and why not?—and assume the child was with them simply to create a harmless front and not to serve as a human shield in case of a firefight or a hostage should the police arrive. Even so, the child's foot speed—or lack thereof—should have been considered before they attempted to make an escape sans vehicle. (Which isn't to say that escaping on a vehicle is a sure thing.)

Another thing to consider? If you're a criminal—and it looks like these two graduated from that school—the last thing you want to leave at the scene of a crime is any sort of evidence that could be used to identify you. Your own child, a living being that can—and in this case did—actually identify the culprits, ranks pretty high on that list.

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