Hot New Homes: Luxe Estates Gone (Very) Wrong

Welcome to high-dollar hell.

It's what's on the inside that counts, right? Well, these homes may look normal from afar, but behind closed doors all you'll find is proof that trying way too hard isn't a good look—at any tax bracket.


Location: Almost-amazing Mediterranean beach house in Herzliya Pituach, Israel
Price: $33,000,000
Size: 8,610 square feet
Why it's weird: Exhibit A: This otherwise chic home, marred by a literal embarrassment of riches, including 24-carat gold tiles, marble floors, crown molding anyplace it will fit, and this super-wacky bathtub. We rest our case.
Listing: Sotheby's



Location: 80s'-tastic mansion in Highland Beach, Florida
Price: $16,188,000
Size: 19,415 square feet
Why it's weird: This oceanfront mansion on Boca Raton's northern shore is the ultimate bachelor pad—circa 1985, on the set of Miami Vice. The scene: purple onyx bathrooms with silk walls, solid mahogany cabinets so shiny you can fix your hair in the reflection, marble countertops the color of mold, a mirrored fireplace, coffered ceilings, ubiquitous arches and fluted columns, and hotel lobby carpeting throughout. For the leading lady? A bedazzled bathroom with mother-of-pearl inlaid marble floors, amethyst counters, and Swarovski crystal accents.
Listing: Christie's

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Location: Alarmingly-eclectic villa in Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Price: $39,477,265
Size: 32,400 square feet
Why it's weird: The really remarkable thing about this far-flung villa is that each room manages to be unattractive in its own special and bizarre way: the foyer's orchard of ornate columns and floral flooring, pastel bedrooms plastered with patterned wallpaper, a screening room with wood-beamed ceilings and Star Trek-worthy wet bar, and a sitting room with French doors and so much ceiling adornment it looks like a breakfast waffle.
Listing: The Lipman Group

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Location: Overly-ornate manor in Ontario, Canada
Price: $17,800,000
Size: 24,000 square feet
Why it's weird: Welcome to high-dollar hell: a wrought-iron gate flanked by two galloping horsemen, banisters crawling with gold vines, crystal-and-gold chandeliers, gold crown molding, green marble accents, oversized beveled mirrors, oil-painted scenes of pastoral frolicking, and sconces with (what else?) marble busts. And yet, the deepest circle of torture is without a doubt the kitchen, where an absurd white mantle-piece tops every single appliance.
Listing: Harvey Kalles

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Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.
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