It's what's on the inside that counts, right? Well, these homes may look normal from afar, but behind closed doors all you'll find is proof that trying way too hard isn't a good look—at any tax bracket.
Location: Almost-amazing Mediterranean beach house in Herzliya Pituach, Israel Price: $33,000,000 Size: 8,610 square feet Why it's weird: Exhibit A: This otherwise chic home, marred by a literal embarrassment of riches, including 24-carat gold tiles, marble floors, crown molding anyplace it will fit, and this super-wacky bathtub. We rest our case. Listing: Sotheby's
Location: 80s'-tastic mansion in Highland Beach, Florida Price: $16,188,000 Size: 19,415 square feet Why it's weird: This oceanfront mansion on Boca Raton's northern shore is the ultimate bachelor pad—circa 1985, on the set of Miami Vice. The scene: purple onyx bathrooms with silk walls, solid mahogany cabinets so shiny you can fix your hair in the reflection, marble countertops the color of mold, a mirrored fireplace, coffered ceilings, ubiquitous arches and fluted columns, and hotel lobby carpeting throughout. For the leading lady? A bedazzled bathroom with mother-of-pearl inlaid marble floors, amethyst counters, and Swarovski crystal accents. Listing: Christie's
Location: Alarmingly-eclectic villa in Dubai, United Arab Emirates Price: $39,477,265 Size: 32,400 square feet Why it's weird: The really remarkable thing about this far-flung villa is that each room manages to be unattractive in its own special and bizarre way: the foyer's orchard of ornate columns and floral flooring, pastel bedrooms plastered with patterned wallpaper, a screening room with wood-beamed ceilings and Star Trek-worthy wet bar, and a sitting room with French doors and so much ceiling adornment it looks like a breakfast waffle. Listing: The Lipman Group
Location: Overly-ornate manor in Ontario, Canada Price: $17,800,000 Size: 24,000 square feet Why it's weird: Welcome to high-dollar hell: a wrought-iron gate flanked by two galloping horsemen, banisters crawling with gold vines, crystal-and-gold chandeliers, gold crown molding, green marble accents, oversized beveled mirrors, oil-painted scenes of pastoral frolicking, and sconces with (what else?) marble busts. And yet, the deepest circle of torture is without a doubt the kitchen, where an absurd white mantle-piece tops every single appliance. Listing: Harvey Kalles
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