Sex + Relationships

The Future of Onanism: 6 Sex Toys That Redefine Male Masturbation

We hear about all tech innovations in phones, cameras, cars, even glasses, almost every day. But one category has eluded the spotlight for what seems like decades: sex toys for men. And yet, suddenly, here we are in a boom phase for newfangled masturbatory machines—rings and pulses and holes. It's all very exciting as long as you're not too uncomfortable with the idea of reading about a "Humpus," "VërSpanken," "Flip Hole" or "Hot Octopuss Pulse" (which was just, um, released this month). Below, the recent bounty of products hitting your local sex toy purveyor.

Fleshlight Flight
The latest addition to the venerable Fleshlight line, the Flight is not only lighter and smaller than the classic version (perfect for travel!), it also boasts Fleshlight's "most discrete orifice," swapping a hyperrealistic molded vulva for just, well, a hole. It comes in two different styles: the Pilot model is a bit rougher inside with distinct bumps and ridges, while the Instructor is smooth and better for so-called "stamina training." The Flight is also compatible with Fleshlight's shower mount, which allows you to attach the toy to any flat surface via a suction cup, for hands-free fun.

$70.35, fleshlight.com

Hot Octopuss Pulse
Like the Beach Boys, the Pulse "guybrator" is all about good vibrations leading to excitations. You stick your member in it (flaccid or hard) and the small toy's oscillating PulsePlate technology delivers strong waves directly to the penis's frenulum area, where the head connects to the shaft (sometime called the F spot). It's the same basic tech that's been used to arouse men with spinal cord injuries so they can impregnate their partners—and it works exceedingly well. The device charges through a USB cord and looks more like some cool iPhone speaker than a sex toy, so no one who spies it sitting around in your house will be any the wiser.

$99, from jimmyjane.com

Alpha One The Ring
If Q were to hand James Bond a sex toy, it would undoubtedly be something like Alpha One's The Ring. "See, 007, it looks like a stylish little bracelet. But put your willy through the hole and voila, ecstasy you haven't experienced since Octopussy." Made in the UK, the ring is crafted from durable stainless steel (a less expensive aluminum model is also available) and the top of the line version is coated in 24-karat gold plate for that extra bit of luxuriousness. The inside is rubbery gel that smoothly hugs a man's penis. Alpha One says The Ring can be enjoyed on its own, as a fellatio aid, or as a traditional cock ring. Pricey, yes, but they get bonus points for attempting to market it as versatile.

$160-$400, from ahanoir.com

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Big Teaze Toys VërSpanken
With its bright blue, green, and purple inserts, VërSpanken looks like some crazy children's toy, which could be awkward were a kid to actually get a hold of yours and, say, clamp it on his arm. What makes VërSpanken unique is the ability to customize several aspects of the toy. One size truly fits all; you control the pressure it exerts on your member, as well as the inserts: FoamWieners or WaterWeiners. Both come in smooth, bumpy, or wavy versions. The water version can be heated or cooled in the fridge to add a subtle je ne sais quoi to your solo sessions. Note: We did not say boiled or frozen. Check out the hilariously salacious promo video below. Who knew stick figures could be so pervy?

$39.99, from bigteazetoys.com

Tenga Flip Hole
"Flip hole" sounds more like a fourth-grade curse word than a technologically advanced sex toy, but a lot of thinking has gone into this masturbation accessory. First, it flips open for super-easy cleaning and drying (sorry but we had to go there), which is not an issue addressed by all devices. It comes in four different colors (white, black, silver, red), each with varying degrees of stimulation, suction, and smoothness. But the coolest part is the "one hand control pad" on the top of every model, which lets you fine tune the toy's interior pressure with the push of a button.

$99, tenga-global.com

Humpus
Another British invention (what is it with the Brits and masturbation?), the Humpus is more than a toy; it's a sex machine. The thing consists of a chargeable base unit to which you attach a silicone ring (or the dildo accessory for the ladies), which the unit then strokes up and down your johnson at anywhere from 80 to 180 strokes per minute. An optional belt allows you to use it hands-free, and a remote gives you—or a partner—the power to speed the stroking action up or down, for maximum teasing and pleasure. Let the humpus begin!

$250, humpus.com

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