Lohan texts back: She’ll be joining us in 20 minutes. Meanwhile, Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild franchise, comes by the table to say hello. The 33-year-old Francis is a Yoda-like figure to Jenner and Pratt—someone who got rich simply by persuading girls to flash their breasts. Francis, Pratt informs me, has an estate in Mexico with a device called the “anything button” in select rooms. “You press that and you get anything you want. Anything. How incredible is that?”

A few minutes later, in a particularly bizarre pseudo-celebrity collision, Kevin Connolly, who plays Adrian Grenier’s best friend and manager on the HBO hit Entourage, stops by Jenner’s table. “What’s up?” he says. He grabs the bottle of vodka, pours himself a glass, and meanders over to a platinum blonde about a foot taller than he is. “That guy is a joke,” Pratt says with scorn. “We were Entourage before Entourage.” He’s not joking. To Pratt, the notion that someone would become famous by acting is ridiculous. “Why would anyone act,” he asks, “when they can just play themselves?”

Well, there’s this: While Jenner & Co. will spend $1,000 on drinks over the course of the next two hours, Connolly is drinking for free.

When Lohan arrives a short while later, she is ushered to a table by her bodyguard. Jenner goes over to greet her (tomorrow he will show me a text message he says is from Lohan inviting him to, of all places, Joe Francis’ Mexican estate). When he returns to the table after their brief exchange, he’s in an introspective mood. “This whole scene, this whole town—it’s all so fake,” he says, pulling me aside. “It’s like a movie set, like my life is a movie set. These people, they all think this is real, but it’s not. I wanna meet a girl who has nothing to do with L.A., a nice, normal, real girl.” For a moment, he sounds almost genuine. Then he says, “Actually, you know, that’s gonna be a component of our new MTV show—me leaving L.A. to meet a normal girl. It might be hard, though, with all the cameras.”

The house where Jenner grew up has the distinct feel of an upscale rehab center: fake stucco walls, Spanish-tile roofing, electronic fireplaces set to timers. It is almost always empty. “My mom basically lives with her boyfriend,” Jenner tells me as he picks up a pug sleeping on the couch. “Is this not the cutest thing in the world? I gave her to Kristin [Cavallari], but she never took her home.”

Two minutes away is the family’s other house—a smaller but by no means small mansion Jenner wants to show me too. His older brother lives here with his girlfriend. “How cute is this cat?” Jenner says, pointing to one lounging on a chair. “It’s a Bengal cat—have you heard of these? They cost $1,200. I gave her to Nicole [Richie], but she ended up giving her back to me.”