Admiring the cat, I come to a depressing realization: Jenner’s fake relationships are, in his heart and mind, totally real.

Later, we take a drive with Pratt in Jenner’s Mercedes G55 (MSRP: $105,275) down the Pacific Coast Highway, passing Mel Gibson’s house and eventually David Geffen’s. Pratt spends 20 minutes talking about how he plans to make a tape of himself and Heidi Montag having sex, which he’s thinking about posting online. Plunging ahead to tap the next vein of almost-stardom, he tells me I should have been at Jenner’s the other night after Hyde, at five in the morning. “Guess who showed up,” he says. “Lindsay Lohan. I’m telling you, man, she’s obsessed with Brody. She wrote him a note that says how she could cuddle with him forever. Kissed it and signed her name and everything.” As Pratt speaks, I glance at Jenner, looking for a reaction, but he shows no sign of emotion.

“Hey,” Pratt asks me, “do you think Details would publish that note, like a copy of it?”

Maybe, I tell him, if he gives it to me.

“All right, but only if I can film myself giving it to you. Is that cool?”