Q: But youíve come around to be a romantic of sorts.
A: Iím not one for buying gifts when itís a birthday. I hate Christmas. But I like gifts on a nonspecific day. Iíll send flowers. Thereís not one day that that my wife and I havenít spoken. Thereís nothing about this on The Osbournes, but she got cancer and I thought, ďFuck.Ē Shows you how educated I am: I didnít know anybody ever recovered from fucking cancer. The whole family went through it, and I said to Sharon, ďDo you want me to get rid of the cameras?Ē And she said no. Then I had the ATV accident, and my son went into rehab. Believe me Iím not complaining, because when I think about it, thatís kind of been the story of my life. I get success, I go down. Thatís just the way it is for me.

Q: Do you still consider yourself anti-establishment?
A: Absolutely. I havenít forgotten my roots. I donít like hanging around in nightclubs. I still believe in rock and roll. And my sonís too old to get called up now, but I always said that if they bring back conscription, I would make sure he didnít get through. I donít like the idea of my son being called to fight for some silly little war in Iraq over fucking oil, you know?

Q: But didnít you go to the White House Correspondentsí Association Dinner, starring President Bush, in 2002?
A: Yeah, um . . . I was fucking out of my tree. I was absolutely fucking loaded.

Q: You just released your ninth solo album, Black Rain. Did you ever think youíd live this long?
A: No. Iíve been terribly lucky. When I had my ATV accident, I was going not more than three or four miles an hour, and I ended up in a coma for eight days. My heart stopped twice. I donít remember any of it. I went back to the hospital after the accident, and the doctors were telling me, ďYour left lung was completely full of blood. You broke your rib, your collarbone, your neck—youíre lucky to be alive.Ē If I had been going 120 miles an hour it would have been a cool way to go—but four miles an hour? Ozzy Osbourne!?

Q: Itís funny, I was listening to the new album and thinking youíve actually gotten harder. Which is great.
A: To be honest with you, itís the first record Iíve ever done completely sober, both writing and recording. I had to put my ego in the wardrobe and forget it for a while. I had to ask people what they think, whether they think itís going to be acceptable. It was easy, you know, with this Pro Tools stuff they got nowadays. Because to be honest with you, I can just barely turn the bloody light on, you know? I canít work a phone, I canít work a digital camera, I donít know how to work an iPod, I donít know how to work a computer—Iím fucking back in the Stone Age still. In the old days when we had to do an edit, youíd go, ďOh fuck thatís another day gone.Ē Now you press two buttons and youíve done it.