Q: You’re critical of the Beatles. Do you really hate them?
A: I don’t want to say I hate the Beatles. I don’t own any of their records. They ruined rock and roll. They put Motown out of business. So I never bought a new record ever until punk came out. The Beatles led to the Monkees. And it was a little hard hearing Lennon sing about "no possessions" when he was living in the Dakota. I was a yippee. Hippies got on my nerves. We made fun of hippies. I didn’t know it, but I was waiting for punk. And so that’s what I mean about the Beatles. I know they were amazing songwriters and all that, but I liked the Rolling Stones. I would’ve rather been at Altamont than Woodstock.

Q: Back then you weren’t very interested in school. Who lasted at NYU longer, you or Woody Allen?
A: I bet Woody went longer, because I think I was there from September to October. I only went to one class. I went to the movies on 42nd Street. It wasn’t NYU’s fault, I don’t blame them. I was out of my mind. I never went to class. Back then I was on LSD. Speed. Diet pills. I was up a lot. I had to see four movies a day; I couldn’t be going to class except to steal textbooks and then go sell them back so I had money to go to the movies.

Q: People always talk about your outlandish fascinations. Do you have any normal ones?
A: I do love The Chipmunks. I’m erotically obsessed with Alvin. I talk about that on my Christmas show, how I wanted to have sex with Alvin and the Chipmunks. And a real animator—I’m not going to tell you what period he was from—just drew one for me of Alvin jerking off. One of the best fan presents I ever got.

Q: What’s arousing about a chipmunk?
A: Nothing! But the idea that you’re so excited that you suddenly turn into another voice by getting worked up: "Alvin. . . Alvin . . .ALVIN!!! OKAY!" It’s beyond speed. It’s like you’re at the wrong speed. I’ve always lived my life at the wrong speed, I think, so I kind of love the idea. It’s probably the only thing everybody else likes that I like.

Q: Albeit in a far different context.
A: Well, maybe people don’t have the nerve to say it—that they’re at home masturbating and looking at Alvin. Maybe Details readers may want to write in and say that they, too, are attracted to him.

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