Q: If you werenít Larry King and were just a guy in Nebraska who wrote that routine in your blog, they would haul your ass down to Gitmo.
A: I donít read blogs. I donít send e-mails. I donít even know how you get a blog. How do you get a blog? I have a cell phone that I donít like. CNN made me take it. I also accept faxes. I see no sense in any of the rest of it. BlackBerry? Forget it.
Q: My point is that when it comes to the Iraq war in this country, only Donald Rumsfeld is allowed to make Hitler jokes.
A: Rumsfeld is one of my favorite characters. Wonderful person. Oh, Jesus, that man has a great sense of humor. What you want in a guest is what he has: vitality and anger.
Q: What would you be doing if you werenít a broadcaster?
A: I always wanted to try stand-up comedy.
Q: What is your best job perk?
A: That I havenít flown commercial since September 11. If you interview CEOs after they leave their corporations, they say the thing they miss the most is the jet. George Bush Sr. told me that what he misses the most is the plane.
Q: What excites you now?
A: My kids. Having kids again this late in life is extraordinary to me.
Q: Were you sure you could pull it off, being a dad again at your age?
A: No. Right now the 7-year-old is in this death stage. [He says,] ďDonít die. Please donít die.Ē He knows about death. Iím going to be 73. I take good care of myself. I am in good shape. But the insurance actuaries tell me Iím supposed to die at 75. Having heart surgery and a heart attack, it may be a little less, though with modern medicine you never know. But letís say I really hit it good and I make it to 83óChance will be 17. I wonít see him in college.
Q: Youíre a Jewish guy married to a Mormon girl. How are you raising the kids?
A: Well, I promised her when we married that she could raise them Mormon. Chance fights it a little. He calls himself Jewish, and he wants to go to synagogue. He is very attached to me. Iím agnostic, so I always thought it was unfair for me: How am I going to raise him agnostic? I am honest with him. I tell him I donít believe, and that I donít know. She takes him to church. We manage. Itís not easy, because I donít believe in religion at all.
Q: Did you have a spiritual crisis?
A: It happened slowly. I didnít buy it. I didnít like the God of the Old Testament. Smite my enemies, and all that. Iíll get even with you. Iím gonna burn down my cities. Donít do this. Donít do that. I didnít like it. And it got worse the more I started interviewing religious leaders, including Billy Graham, whom I like very much. They donít have answers, and I want answers. Why the Holocaust? You do not question the ways of the Lord. Why not? Itís faith. Well, I donít have it. My wife and I were talking about it last night. I was talking about dying. My wife is a total believer that you actually go somewhere. The more I see, the more I think there is nothing out there.