Q: Iíve heard that youíre an ordained minister.
A: Yeah, but thatís easy to do—you just go online. The Universal Life Church. I donít remember exactly how many people Iíve married. Maybe 10? But only oneís been divorced, so thatís better than the average. I havenít done a gay marriage yet, oddly enough. I should do a mass wedding like the Reverend Moon. I would have them tithe their income!

Q: Your fan base is made up of all these types of people that youíd never expect to mix. How would you describe John Watersí aficionados?
A: Theyíre people who have a good sense of humor and who basically, a little bit, wished they were terrorists. Theyíre interested in deviant behavior; theyíre interested in behavior that maybe theyíd never do, and that they canít understand—which is healthy. Everything that interests me is basically what I canít understand or for which thereís not a fair answer—thatís why it remains interesting.

Q: Whoís your most unlikely fan? Did Henry Kissinger ever come up to you and say, "Hey, John—I just loved Female Trouble"?
A: Itís funny you say that, because there is a picture of me and Henry Kissinger hanging on my bulletin board in Baltimore. It was taken at a magazine party. And I do send boxes full of my movies, T-shirts, and that kind of thing to soldiers in Iraq. One whole troop told me they were being bombed while watching Female Trouble. I wrote the major back and said, "I feel like Bob Hope!" He wrote, "I promise more of them know who you are than Bob Hope!"

Q:It must have been a little surreal when Hairspray hit Broadway and suddenly a bunch of Republican tourists were filling the seats at matinees. And now youíre doing the same thing with Cry-Baby.
A: Yes! Itís evil! I won in a sneak attack. Theyíre watching two men sing a love song to each other, theyíre celebrating interracial dating—all the things they think theyíre against. Itís the only radical thing I ever did, Hairspray. It makes fat girls stars.

Q: I think a lot of people think you went mainstream after Polyester.
A: Well, I did! Nothing wrong with that. Youíve got to grow. People have responded to my work and Iíve been treated fairly. Why would I be a 61-year-old faux-rebel asshole?

Q: I heard that youíre a bit obsessive.
A: Not obsessive. Iím just organized.

Q: So you donít shake it up anymore. Do you have a routine?
A: Oh, yeah. Do I! To the point where my assistants just roll their eyes at me. Not that anyoneís going to kidnap me, but I leave my apartment within 10 seconds of the same time every day—I go out, I get my papers, I read my papers, I get my coffee, and I work. Iím fairly rigid. The other day I stayed up later than usual because I was behind on The Wire. I overslept an hour and it panicked me. I ran out to get the papers and it was light out—it just made me crazy the whole day.