1. Never, ever carry a computer case. Use an attaché, a backpack, anything. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing—a laptop bag will wreck it.

2. A leather jacket has air quotes around it. That’s its problem. If you wear one, you have to do it in an unexpected way. If a guy wears it out on a date, I’m going to barf.

3. Fat is the new black. There’s something fabulous and incredibly sexy about it. Besides, people with a lot of muscle don’t look good in clothes.

4. It’s good to have a signature—if it’s something you’ve always done and you’re not just doing it because everyone else is. I’ve always worn my collar up. And I wear one of the French cuffs on my shirt turned out. People are always trying to fix it.

5. You shouldn’t match your socks to anything. You should unmatch your socks to things.

6. You may as well be gay if you’re going to start coordinating outfits with your girlfriend.

7. Style is all about commitment. If you see someone wearing a little bit of jewelry, it looks wrong. Wear either a giant diamond ring or nothing at all. A small one just looks wimpy.

8. If you have to go to a formal event, wear a classic tuxedo. Everybody should go to Ralph Lauren and invest in a good one. Or go to Savile Row and have one made. It won’t ever go out of style. You would have to work with a stylist so closely if you were to try to wear a tuxedo in a new way—so just don’t. Do not wear rentals, and do not wear “alternatuxes.”

9. What they do in Europe is scary. Do not emulate European men. It’s a little too stylish. It’s not just Italy, it’s the whole continent. A lot of the men dress thematically—almost as if they’re in costume. I’m too old for themes. But the English are better.

10. Plastic surgery never works. You automatically become a drive-by. If anyone looks at you too closely, they will know that you’ve done it—which makes you look about 70, no matter how old you are. Use wrinkle creams and get facials. I didn’t say it wasn’t okay to be vain. Vanity is a virtue.

11. Past a certain age, you shouldn’t look trendy. I think you really have to be 25 to wear one of those skinny suits. And everyone and their brother isn’t shaving right now. But people my age should shave more.

12. Cocktail-party attire is a gray area for men. Do you know what area needs to be filled with? Suits. You should buy a good gray suit for every season.

13. I can’t wear Converse anymore because of all the young socialites wearing them. It used to be if you wore them you were like Gilda Radner. Now you’re Marc by Marc Jacobs. Now it’s so over, it’s not the same.