So why is it that all of usthe gay, the straight, the bigoted ignoramusare hung up on cracking the code of any straight man who doesn't look like a beer-chugging NFL fan? Maybe it's because everyone is conditioned to feel threatened by any type of sexuality that can't immediately be categorized. But that supposedly fine-tuned gaydar might as well be a rusty instrument from an earlier century. Because if wearing a scarf around your neck or crossing your legs like a woman were an unmistakable homo signal, then the entire male population of Europe would be out by now. Of course, that's of small comfort to the average stray. "This is the way I am, I guess," says Gary, whom my female friend still doesn't believe is straight. "But I need to meet girls."