Psychotherapist Don Clark, who's spent 30 years counseling gay clients and families in San Francisco, says, "In my experience, most kids have a sense as early as 4 or 5 of whether they're gay or not, and by 7 or 8 that identity is there. Some will tell you it was always there. The trick for parents isn't monitoring whether their kids are gay or not but just letting them be who they are." Besides, if you're as open-minded as you believe you are, you'll be okay with it either way.