This November, "gonzo" porn icon Seymore Butts (née Adam Glasser) is attempting some hard-core crossover action with a book entitled Rock Her World: The Sex Guide for Modern Men.

The press release describes the tome as "an unabashed look at everything a man needs to know about sex and pleasing his partner." It also divulges something else. Butts has authority. Just what kind of authority? "An expert who has slept with over 600 women . . . Glasser provides readers with a better understanding of sexual anatomy, of women, and themselves."

Hang on a sec—600 women? If we assume Butts, who's 46, has been slaying (and filming) the ladies since he was 14, that breaks down to about 20 conquests a year. Sure, he's a porn star, but that's almost three times the number of women an average American schlub will nail in his lifetime. Glasser says he's had so many that he no longer even considers it a badge of honor. "I can't remember most of them, so how good could it have been?" says Glasser, reached by telephone the day his book hit the shelves. "There are times when I'll walk up to a woman and it won't be until 20 minutes later that I realize I've had sex with her. As I become an older, wiser, man I realize it's not the quantity but it's the quality."

That might be easy for a member of the 600 Club to say, but admit it: When you read that figure, you weren't disgusted. You were envious. That triple-digit number laughed at you like a trio of taller, better-looking jocks on your first day of high school. And that slumbering beast inside you—your fettered inner bonobo—howled with preconscious jealousy. How will I ever catch up? you ask your inadequate self. I'd have to nail, like, 598 women in the next couple of weeks!

Somewhere you've got a bedpost, a notebook, a mental Rolodex, or a folder full of Facebook jpegs where you keep track of all of your conquests. And you feel good about watching it grow. Sure, you know you're being an asshole. But your inner bonobo just sits there, whacking off in its tiny cage, deep in the id-driven recesses of your amygdala. Men and women both have adopted this shameful practice—we just do it for different reasons. Men, you won't be shocked to learn, seem to be even lame enough to inflate the numbers.