"Everybody got a kick out of it," he says. "There were guys and girls around. They were just like, 'Dude, put the fucking hammer away.'" Apart from occasional drunken exhibitionism, G.C. says he makes it a rule never to mention his good fortune in conversation. But he also suspects it's spurred him to act in ways that the less gifted might not contemplate—like the time a girl brought him home only to find out she didn't have large enough condoms. When G.C. went out to get some, he stopped off for a cheeseburger before he got back to business (and no, he didn't get one for her).

"Nothing really bothers me," G.C. says, "because everything kind of comes back to that. No matter what happens, I got a major fucking plus in my pants—know what I mean? It's the one constant factor."

In the far-right margin of the size curve, though—where only animelike proportions reside—being well endowed can be much more than a mere "constant factor." It can be an all-out magical power. Jonah Falcon, 37, a cable-television host in New York who's gained worldwide recognition for his 13 1/2-inch length, attributes losing his virginity at the age of 10 (with a woman eight years his senior) to nothing more complicated than his size. He has also observed something far more miraculous: So great is man's obsession with size, such are the power and mysticism radiated by a superlative specimen, that some are willing to compromise their sexuality just to get close to it.

"I've seen straight guys that turn gay around me," says Falcon, who is bisexual.

Falcon offers this reassurance to the 99.999999 percent of men who may be intimidated by his terrestrial presence: This gift has not been a panacea. Some insecurities don't just disappear with the wave of a magical 13 1/2-inch wand. His bounty has not, for instance, made Falcon feel any better about his weight. "I'm endomorphic, so I have to work out all the time," he says. "I can't always take off my pants, you know. Sometimes I just want to feel good about taking off my shirt." It's nice to know there's still some truth to the one about life's not being fair.

If it were fair, you would be getting more ass than Ron Jeremy.

Can being well-endowed really help you smile through life's shortfalls? Reveal your opinions in the comment section.