The Five Creepiest Substitutes For a Woman

We admit it: Women can be difficult. Consequently, scientists (and in some cases, seamstresses), have been working around the clock to develop new products that liberate you from the impossible demands associated with actual human contact. Here are some recent masterpieces:

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

The Fleshlight

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

You know, like a flashlight! Except with a vagina! This discrete plastic canister secretly houses a washable pink silicon rubber "masturbation sleeve," available in 7 different textures—from "vortex" to "speed bump"—and a variety of orifices, including "mouth," "lady," and "butt" (use your imagination). Also available from the company: "Sex in a Can"—which kind of looks like an energy drink. Except with a vagina.

The Funktionide

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

RealDolls

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

"Moe" Pillows

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

The Flip Hole

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

Honorable Mention: the "Autoblow" Robotic blow job

Photographs courtesy of, clockwise from top left: fleshlight.com, realdoll.com, dezeen.com, realdoll.com, weirdasianews.com, fliphole.com, and roboticblowjob.com

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