Oh rosé, as soon as Americans learn to love you again, you suddenly become passé.
We're sorry to say, but you, you sweetish wine with the pinkish tones of a chubby teen's blush, you are no longer the belle of the ball, the bee's knees, the ne plus ultra, the go-to gal.
Sure, we too have celebrated your return to popularity as recently as April—and noted that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are producing a Provençal rose at Château Miraval. Yes, you're on the wine list at The French Laundry and Le Bernardin. Trend-making "brosés" from Manhattan to L.A. quaff the stuff like most guys down beers. You're a noticeably more quality product. And a bottle of rosé recently fetched $42,780 at auction. So if everything's looking so, shall we say, rosy, why are we predicting the rosépocalypse? It's simple: You're too popular now. What do we mean?
1. Lourdes is drinking it: In May 2011, Lourdes "Lola" Ciccone Leon (you know, Madonna's kid) was lauded on fashion blogs for prettying up her hair with feather hair extensions. Within seven months, the trend was dead as a plucked rooster.
Now, we're not necessarily saying that a 17-year-old millionaire girl who lives her life in front of the cameras and has a noticeable penchant for high-profile but short-lived trends is going to always lead you astray when it comes to alcoholic beverages, but ….
__ The Hamptons are where trends go to die. It's where hipster fedoras and "artisanal tattoos" take a metaphorical leap into the ocean from Montauk Point, hopefully never to return. Where the "footie" had its thankfully brief moment in the Long Island sun. And it's where the Kardashians are summering this year.
So when we heard that a New York Magazine writer's 35-minute helicopter ride to the Hamptons via the mobile app Blade included "rosé in air-travel-safe covered wine glasses" as "[t]echno music thump[ed] on the loudspeakers" while "cocktail-attired," beach-bound party goers waited for Chris Christie to clear the helipad, we vowed never to go to a club, vote Republican, or drink rosé ever again.
3. The New York Times has proclaimed it finally good enough to break out of the chains of mere trendiness:
It's a cliché in journalistic circles that once the Grey Lady has written about a subject, it's officially mainstream.
The Times has written about rosés a lot in the last couple years, whether about its renewed demand despite intransigent sommeliers, or the best to enjoy al fresco. But the death knell may well be Eric Asimov's recent plaudits for no less than 10 California rosés.
"Here," Asimov writes, "you have honest rosés meant to appeal to wine lovers rather than followers of fashion."
The irony, of course, being that Asimov and the Times, in declaring the wine beyond fashion, have just doomed the rosé renaissance to rosémageddon.
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