Hot New Homes: Luxe Estates Gone (Very) Wrong

Welcome to high-dollar hell.

Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

It's what's on the inside that counts, right? Well, these homes may look normal from afar, but behind closed doors all you'll find is proof that trying way too hard isn't a good look—at any tax bracket.

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Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

Location: Almost-amazing Mediterranean beach house in Herzliya Pituach, Israel

Price: $33,000,000

Size: 8,610 square feet

Why it's weird: Exhibit A: This otherwise chic home, marred by a literal embarrassment of riches, including 24-carat gold tiles, marble floors, crown molding anyplace it will fit, and this super-wacky bathtub. We rest our case.

Listing: Sotheby's

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Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

HBF-int-REP.jpg

Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

Location: 80s'-tastic mansion in Highland Beach, Florida

Price: $16,188,000

Size: 19,415 square feet

Why it's weird: This oceanfront mansion on Boca Raton's northern shore is the ultimate bachelor pad—circa 1985, on the set of Miami Vice. The scene: purple onyx bathrooms with silk walls, solid mahogany cabinets so shiny you can fix your hair in the reflection, marble countertops the color of mold, a mirrored fireplace, coffered ceilings, ubiquitous arches and fluted columns, and hotel lobby carpeting throughout. For the leading lady? A bedazzled bathroom with mother-of-pearl inlaid marble floors, amethyst counters, and Swarovski crystal accents.

Listing: Christie's

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Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

EmirateHills-int-REP.jpg

Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

Location: Alarmingly-eclectic villa in Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Price: $39,477,265

Size: 32,400 square feet

Why it's weird: The really remarkable thing about this far-flung villa is that each room manages to be unattractive in its own special and bizarre way: the foyer's orchard of ornate columns and floral flooring, pastel bedrooms plastered with patterned wallpaper, a screening room with wood-beamed ceilings and Star Trek-worthy wet bar, and a sitting room with French doors and so much ceiling adornment it looks like a breakfast waffle.

Listing: The Lipman Group

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Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

kleinberg-int-REP.jpg

Photos courtesy of respective real estate companies.

Location: Overly-ornate manor in Ontario, Canada

Price: $17,800,000

Size: 24,000 square feet

Why it's weird: Welcome to high-dollar hell: a wrought-iron gate flanked by two galloping horsemen, banisters crawling with gold vines, crystal-and-gold chandeliers, gold crown molding, green marble accents, oversized beveled mirrors, oil-painted scenes of pastoral frolicking, and sconces with (what else?) marble busts. And yet, the deepest circle of torture is without a doubt the kitchen, where an absurd white mantle-piece tops every single appliance.

Listing: Harvey Kalles

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