Back when the readers of InTouch started caring about Jon Gosselin, it was easy to feel bad for the dude. Sure, he probably shouldn't have cheated, but if his wife's Midwestern-beautician haircut wasn't enough to drive a man away, her bitchiness surely was. But as Gosselin's Ed Hardy attire and Rave hair gel rapidly lost him public favor, he learned what Spencer Pratt has long known: He'll stay in the spotlight only so long as he maintains a certain level of horribleness. This week's ploy: He showed up to his twin daughters' 9th birthday carrying a cake, but had managed to misspell the name of one of his daughters. The birthday girl's name in question is Mady— only one d— Maddy.
Jon, who's got a good six months of celebrity demonry under his bejeweled belt, should know it takes more than a spelling error to secure tabloid covers. Here's how he could have made the most of the big day:
-Buy a newer, shinier car for the occasion— that really says "I'm spending far more money on my image than my children."
-Show up with a singing clown and, after the cake is cut, do a big reveal: It's his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman
-Take discreet iPhone photos to sell to Us Weekly, which will both purchase his pics and berate him for taking them.
-Gift the tween girls bikini waxes.
-Promise a private concert by the Jonas Brothers that he has no power to deliver. Bonus: This story could last a few news cycles! Gossip outlets would inevitably contact the trio for a statement, at which point Nick Jonas would likely announce that he and his bros would have happily put on a show amid helium balloons and Bratz dolls.