Jim Carroll had Leonardo DiCaprio. Anthony Swofford was blessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. Hunter S. Thompson got Bill Murray and Johnny Depp. And now that two of pop-culture critic Chuck Klosterman's nonfiction works are being developed into movies—Fargo Rock City, about growing up in North Dakota and taking solace in heavy metal (adapted by Craig Finn of the Hold Steady and Tom Ruprecht of the Late Show With David Letterman), and Killing Yourself to Live, about road-tripping to the graves of dead rock stars—we have multiple opportunities to see the floppy-haired cult author portrayed on the big screen. Here are our casting nominations.
For high-school-and-college-aged, Fargo Rock City-era C.K.:
1) Penn Badgley: He's so good/terrible at playing a writerly type on Gossip Girl, and we want to see him with radioactive blond (is that a Clairol shade?) hair.
2) Paul Dano: Just look at them side by side. No explanation required.
3) Kellan Lutz: The Twilight actor is from North Dakota, so he can channel the pains of his cornfield childhood. He'll just need to keep those abs under wraps.
4) Shia LaBeouf: He looks natural in a flannel. Isn't that half the battle here?
For thirtysomething C.K., circa Killing Yourself to Live:
1) Zach Galifianakis: He might need to take up jogging, but the beard and hair would only need trimming. And he'd deliver lines like "The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses" with the ridiculous thoughtfulness they require.
2) Jason Segel: The greasy-but-not appearance, the weird body-weight distribution—he screams music writer.
3) Ryan Gosling: Because everyone deserves a far-too-attractive option, right? And we saw She's All That—we know how glasses make an audience believe someone is average-looking.
4) Jason Schwartzman: Those eyebrows. That awkwardness.
But as Klosterman himself says, "Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time." Have any better ideas?