Lost + Found: Rush Limbaugh's Rental-Car Floor Mat

Ever wonder what drives the King of Conservatism? Us too.

Photograph by Michael Schmelling; Set design by Wade & Strauss

Ever wonder what drives the King of Conservatism? Us too.

1. PRESCRIPTION: The best way to rein in health-care costs is to bypass the doctor.

2. TICKET TO LADY GAGA CONCERT: "Those Log Cabin boys weren't kidding—'Poker Face' is damn good."

3. HOAGIE CRUSTS: The true voice of the GOP must beware of choking hazards.

4. SPIN CITY SEASON 1 DVD: More evidence of liberal conspiracy: using this boyish face to murder babies

5. BLUE POWDER: Possibly Viagra dust, possibly Fruity Pebbles

6. PREPARATION H: Some wounds—like the 2008 election and the buttock cyst that got him a deferment from Vietnam—never heal.

7. FREEDOM FRIES: Food for Main Street, not Wall Street

8. CIGAR ASH: The only place he likes a Cuban is in his mouth.

9. RAGE SWEAT STAINS: Don Imus just ruined another perfect morning.

10. TEN-DOLLAR BILL: Winnings from his bet with McCain that Bristol and Levi would split up

11. PACKET OF HELLMANN'S: Because the goddamn immigrants at Wendy's no comprende "Extra mayo."

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