Well, now science has gone and done it. Over the weekend at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, a group of soon-to-be-very rich guys unveiled ROXXXY, the "World's First Life-Size Robot Girlfriend." ROXXXY's creator, Douglas Hines (who she's scheduled to ironically murder sometime next year), said of her: "She has a computer, she has IO boards, she has servos, she has a battery pack, she has an accelerometer, she has touch sensors and pressure sensors throughout her body,. She's anatomically consistent with a real person. She has three inputs so what you could think of with a woman, she could do."
It sounds like Slado Fiero's going to be getting a lot of high-end repair business soon. Really, though, what more does a man want from a woman than three inputs and an accelerometer? Hines admits that ROXXXY can't cook or vaccum, she does come with different personalities. For instance, if you set her to "Frigid Farrah," she'll rebuff your initial advances. But if cock-teasing isn't your style, then "Mature Martha" will respond warmly by saying "I love holding hands." Set her for "Natalie Portman," and she'll tell you that the Shins will change your life. In "Zoe Saldana" mode, she'll turn blue, grow a tendril, and stick it into a nearby tree. ROXXY retails for between $7,000 and $9,000, and Hines is currently working on a male robot, who'll come in both heterosexual and gay models. In five years, he'll debut a robot baby, and then the male and female models can sit around at night watching TV and drinking cheap wine, reminiscing about the good old days when they were actually sex robots.
The published descriptions of ROXXXY dance around what most men will use her for--cornholing while freeze-framing certain key moments during Blade Runner—instead marketing her toward the sensitive, lonely divorced guy. "She's a companion," Hines said. "She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep." Sometimes when you touch her, he added, the honesty's too much.