It's great that your girlfriend lets you go out drinking with your buddies and yeah, she makes great guacamole. But stop letting her buy clothes for you. Just as she would never let you shop for her, it's your own goddamn responsibility to learn how to dress yourself and to dress yourself well. Shit, she's not doing that good of a job to begin with. I mean, there are lots of women in the fashion industry who know what the hell they're doing when it comes to menswear. But—spoiler alert—your girlfriend isn't one of them. And anyway, how can we expect women to know how to dress themselves and us? That's un-fucking-fair.
As a man, you have to take pride in yourself, in how you present yourself to the world. So get your shit together and do your research. There's this thing called the Internet, and just like it helped you make an informed purchase with regard to your new kegerator, it can help you move past the school-teacher-goes-to-Las-Vegas vibe your lady aided and abetted. Now hit the shops. Godspeed.
Oh, and don't get it twisted: I'm not calling your girlfriend out. She's great. Remember, she's got the whole guacamole thing going for her.
—By Lawrence Schlossman