In fact, the hoodie-blazer recently became the hoodieblazer, for chrissakes. I spotted this beast at Urban Outfitters—a blazer with a sweatshirt hood sewn into the collar. We haven’t seen such institutionalized fashion indecisiveness—wherein the identity crisis is stitched right into the fabric of the garment—since the culotte, that neither-pants-nor-skirt monstrosity that certain feminists and large women wore in the seventies. And the real problem is that this hoodieblazer, or hoodzer-unitard (or hoodtard, as I call it), removes the main disincentive to sport a hoodie-under-blazer: The combo invariably makes you overheat the second you step indoors. (That’s how you can discern a real jackass: When it’s 80 degrees at a party and the dude still won’t remove his jacket ’cause it just looks so stylin’.)

I’m no purist, but if you must wear a hoodieblazer, why don’t you go ahead and cinch the hoodie real tight-like, so you can pretend you’re Kenny from South Park, all growed up? And while you’re at it, why not have your mommy sew some mittens-on-a-string onto your blazer sleeves? If you’re a really good boy, maybe she’ll stick a couple of juice boxes in the pockets.